The Inner self and I

I have been away from my blog for a while. I couldn't get my mind fixed in to what to write. As some of you may know about the drastic change in me. I am trying to be more religious as day goes by. However, its not easy. What you physically apply to yourself doesn't define you but what you desire from within and how you control your nafs (desire) defines your character. Because when one is saying one thing and struggling with his thoughts will not really help him overcome his situation. Allah is omniscient nothing is hidden from him. I know this is going to be random but i remembered a scene from Shakespeare's Hamlet to actually connect to my situation. I am sure everyone read it or at least know the drama. When King Hamlet's brother Claudius seeks repentance to god he basically struggles with his thoughts and he knows it. He knows that he is saying one thing but not truly repenting from heart , his words are not matching with his thoughts. I myself say one thing and doing the total opposite. I sometimes while sinning ask for forgiveness. Now, that's permissible. But sometimes it gets really hard to control your desire. So, i sometimes being a normal human being, Allah's slave struggling with the same thing. Sometimes i apply Islamic rulings in my life and on the other hand go astray in other important things. Such as watching tv, gossip, lying or even like argument with my mom. See, these actually fall under major sins. And somewhere down the road, i feel guilty and trying my best to control my anger, any sort of disrespect habits in me, etc. Thus, i am not perfect and not completely pious. I ask for everyone's prayers on that. I really want to fix other mistakes of mine and repent truly for many many sins i have committed in the past or still am committing. Also, the point is not how you have physically changed yourself with your clothing and personality but what really has changed inside your heart and intentions. So, i pray for myself and all the Muslim brothers and sisters to always keep their heart and mind pious and then physically apply it and only then the real meaning of it will come out. And me, i am struggling still. I know i have changed a lot and for the better but there are still things which my inner self struggles with in my everyday life. Theres still anger in me that leads to many wrongdoings. There's still things inside my head that needs to be fixed. First and foremost fix my intention and purify my heart is what i am struggling with. Obviously, i am not an angel this cant be done overnight. But, everyday there's a battle with the bad me. And this blog may seem pointless to some of you. But, may be somewhere down the road you are suffering with the same situation that IS curable. Only difference is you have to be ready to bring the change in you. The point is always be truthful to yourself, always know what you want TRULY. Always love yourself and help yourself be a better human being and a better Muslim because if you cant help yourself no one can. Always have faith and hope in Allah and be positive. If you help yourself Allah will make the path easier for you inshaAllah.